I've Concluded That You Guys Don't Think I'm an Idiot - A Reflection on the Sexes and the Field

My biggest fear used to be asking questions at user groups. I would get all shaky and nervous, I would have a question and go over it in my mind 20 times. "Is this a dumb question? Will people start throwing batteries at me chanting 'stupid girl?"'" I would go home and ask someone if it was a dumb question, or figure out myself that it was a decent question (there were some dumb ones, I'm not going to lie), and be mad at myself for not asking it. When I finally got the guts to ask a question it was easier then I ever could have imagined, and no one yelled! No one looked at me in disgust, and people were super friendly. I was shocked when guys started writing ME with questions about issues they have run into, or questions about development. 

I've actually really enjoyed being a part of this community. I mean, it stinks that there are so few women in it. There have been times that I have been going through something I felt like only a woman could understand, and have wanted a buddy to talk to. However, everyone has been really warm and friendly. I might even say that being female might be an advantage (sorry guys) because it's so different. 

I feel like the men I have met are really kindred spirits. Why? Because we share common interests, mainly, a love of Software Development and the improvement of our craft. We enjoy debating frameworks, and methodologies, and the advantages of different programming languages.  One thing I have maintained through all of this is my femininity. I, in fact, have unapologetically embraced it. Many would consider this unwise, the male : female ratio in Computer Sciences is about 8:1, even less women persue a career in software development.  Only 10% of this year's Com Sci grads in the US were female. I will admit that while sometimes it is easier being female hardly anyone looks at me with my fake blond hair and shiny lip gloss for the first time and says "wow, that girl looks like she's an amazing developer." A girl does have to work hard to garner respect from her peers in this situation, yes. However, don't think that being a woman who is outstanding in this field and being feminine is mutually exclusive. I believe that many women in the sciences believe that the need to “tone it down” a little in order for men to consider them an equal. I think that kind of thinking is the highest form of sexism, and we're doing it to ourselves.

 

When we turn our backs on traditionally female behavior we tell, not only men but younger women that being a woman does not equal intelligent. We tell them if you love fashion, or homemaking, or sewing, or spending time with girlfriends you can't be respected as someone with a valuable opinion. That you must turn your back on those things you enjoy, don your Birkenstocks and throw your hair up and get in there and show them who's boss. This does nothing but diminish the awesomeness of being a woman and being good at what you do. This sends a clear message "In order to be as respected as a man, you must be androgenous, or look like a man. Otherwise when they see you they wont respect you."

 

Of course, the young ladies in Hollywood who accomplish nothing with their lives but be skinny and try not to pass out in a public place do nothing to help us kill this stereotype. Giving pause and press to people like this hurts all women, because it says if you are someone that makes feminine appeal a priority you automatically give up your self-respect. You will never catch me reading celebrity magazines, or giving a crap about who is dating who. I think the women who capitalize on "I'm a pretty girl, so you should like me" are a shame to the gender. They are holding all of us back. Why can't we idolize women that have attained both ideals of being intelligent and appealing like Marissa Meyer of Google, or Amy Brinkly of Bank of America.

 

We need to teach this younger generation that the marriage of being a woman and being smart is a beautiful thing. We need to encourage them in all their persuits, whether traditionally “male” or “female.” We need to make sure they know that even if all the other people that do what they enjoy don't look like them, that's ok. That it's up to them to change the industry, and instead of conforming in order to “fit in.” They need to try that much harder to be the best they can, so that they can be an example and shining star to the women out there who are afraid to make that step. Because, possibly, if we start doing that this “glass wall” we've created for ourselves by turning our backs on our gender can finally be broken. I'd love to see more women in Software, I think we should start by first telling them "Hey, if you like computers, or math, or science it only adds to your beauty as a woman." Because everyone likes a pretty girl when she's silent, but pretty and smart? That's just beautiful.