C'mon, You Guys, We Can Do Better Than This

This article is in response to the presentation seen here  which was given at the Golden Gate Ruby Conference a few weeks ago. It has stirred up quite a few reactions, some of which are here and here.

The first thing I thought of was "I totally could imagine being in that audience." I know exactly how it went. The images went up on the screen, and every guy in there looked sideways at the closest girl (maybe three rows over) to see how she was reacting. Every girl in that audience was thinking "Make it look like you don't care, make it look like you aren't feeling weird about this." My insides are cringing.

I've seen the reactions all over web, "we're rockstars," "we're all adults here," "I'm an R rated person, I'm ok with it." Well I'm not going to sit here and say it's "unprofessional," or "sexist," or "perverse." It was all of those things, but that's been said. I'm going to sit here and say "shame on all of you."

I am a feminist. I support a woman's right to do and act the way she chooses to (and accept the consequences when they are due). I think that we should have the same rights engendered to a man, without question. I do not, however, disregard the difference between the sexes. We are women, you are men. That's why I say "shame on you." Shame on each and every one of you men who sat next to a woman and didn't treat her like a lady. Shame on you for letting the women who were brave enough to come to your convention sit there, and experience the discomfort of having borderline pornographic images on the screen that were intended to arouse (admit it, it wasn't there so you could all study the brilliance of the photographer and his use of light) and stimulate the audience sexually enough to keep them interested. What if that were your sister, or your mother sitting in that situation. What would you want the man sitting next to her do? Would you think it's ok if he laughed and thought it was a "great ploy?"

Some may think it ironic that the girl that has "All marriage proposals must be accompanied by last year's W2" on her blog is criticizing others.  I'm not saying it's always inappropriate. Looking at these things in your own homes or as part of your personal recreation is fine. Some women are comfortable around this kind of thing, they let you know by telling you, or joking with you about it. Then it's status quo, and we all can have fun. However, to put a woman you don't know in the situation where she either needs to laugh along or feel like an object is way "Goofus" and not at all "Gallant."

This may make me prude, or old-fashioned, or plain not fun; however, I think we know I'm none of those things. I don't think I'm overreacting either. It is difficult to encourage young girls to get in this field. I get emails all the time. It is scary being "the only girl in your class," and one of three in a room of fifty people. It's scary to ask questions when you're afraid your entire gender will be judged by your grasp of a concept. Asking girls to brave these situations because writing software is fun, and interesting, and exciting is a moot point when faced with these type of stories.

The "deep zoom" Playboy thing at Mixx was a bit tasteless. This situation is just embarrassing. The community really needs to do some introspection if it wants to attract more women to the field. You are saying one thing, and doing another.

PS - I'm only saying this because I freakin love you guys. You have made being a part of this community an awesome time thus far. I only want other girls to have the same experience I have.