So, I do a lot of nerd events as you probably notice. This weekend was the MVC Firestarter done by Microsoft. Stephen Bohlen did an awesome write up here), and I did something a little different than I normally do: I dressed like a girl. Usually I like to up my nerd credibility by wearing a tee shirt and sneakers. However, if you catch me on an average day you'll see me in a stylish (well, at least what I consider stylish) out fit and pumps. Not at all casual.
I usually figure that if I wear something more low key it will make me more approachable, however what I really think is that if I dress down it will make the gender gap not so gaping. I also think it makes me a little more approachable and likely to make friends at these things.
What changed this weekend? I don't know. The night before I was thinking of what to wear. I have this default pair of cargo khakis that are great for nerd events. I have a small handful of nerdy tees, and I was thinking about which one to put on and lamenting about the fact that I didn't have anything new and I feel like I have outworn a lot of tees. At that moment I decided that was the end of it, I was going to dress normal for once. I didn't wear anything crazy, just khaki boot cut fitted pants, a red and white striped sweater, and white flats.
So, was I treated differently? Well, to be honest I feel like less people came to talk to me. However, that wasn't exactly a scientific study, and I think I will do this a few more times before coming to a conclusion.
Ladies, do you find yourself doing the same thing? Gents, how do you feel about my attitude towards this? Any stock in being afraid to be different. Please feel free to be candid.
Non-sequitors: I'm speaking at the awesome Philly .NET code camp in two weeks, I got a ASP.NET MVP award this week, and my new site http://bundl.it launched!!! What a crazy week, will do a write up about its creation soon.
Firstly congratulations on the MVP. Definitely deserved and I think the bundle it concept is brilliant.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the dress code is concerned, I have to admit I believe causal is better. I also own and wear a lot of nerd gear and my daily dress code happens to be jeans and T-Shirts, one of the advantages working for a clothing retailer.
However I find especially in ZA that woman in IT tend to always portray a professional appearance, irrelevant of what type of event they attend.
I've worked in both environments, super professional (suits), and I've worked in t-shirts and jeans.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, the people aren't much different, but the professionally dressed people tend to feel less approachable.
That said, the outfit you described was not wall street, just sounds more stylish than what most geeks found to wear.
Its not so much about the actual outfit as it is contrast. If it was your usually nerdy getup with say, an upgraded shoe choice, then maybe after a few tweaks you wouldn't be seen as so much in contrast. In general the gender gap is widened because its not acknowledged in my opinion. Geeks generally expect geek girls, to be one of the guys instead of embracing the difference, we loathe change.
I hope that we can turn that corner. You've seen the first season of Beauty and the Geek, smart doesn't always mean that the person is comfortable approaching the opposite gender.
Congrats on launching bundl.it!
ReplyDeleteRe: what to wear - personally I don't do 'conventional geek wear'. I just hate clothes that have text/logos on them.
Still, if you see me, I be you could still tell that I program for a living :)
Hey ... I was there.
ReplyDeleteI thought you looked like a regular person if you ask me ... no problems there. I was actually kind surprised at how many people were dressed up for the event.
(I was the guy who asked you at the end about just writing the form tag instead of using an HTML:Helper)
Honestly, I've found that ambushing people at events and offering them beer works well as a way to meet people. It generally works regardless of gender and professional level.
ReplyDeleteIf you choose to give this route a try, let me know the next time you'll be at an event near Florida :D
Congrats on the MVP!!
ReplyDeleteRe: What To Wear: I think that being different is what being a geek is all about. The whole point is to be yourself. In high school some of us were laughed at or treated differently for being ourselves. If we start needing the Star Trek Spork or the meh. t-shirt to show our geek cred we're becoming a lot like those people who made fun of us in high school. So, I say, Iss yo thang, do watcha wanna do.
~Lee
Wear what ever gives you the most confidence. It doesn't matter if someone arbitrarily classifies you as being conformist or different. The point is, they shouldn't have any power over you.
ReplyDeleteEvery time you defer to what someone else is thinking you lose a bit of yourself. Taken to an extreme, there would be no self, just a reflection of someone else.
Confidence may attract some and retract others. It doesn't matter. If you want to talk to someone, just make it happen.
Haha, looking forward your choice @ NJ tech drinks :)
What you are describing is not clothes, it is attitude. In the past you've taken on the shy conforming attitude. Now you've decided to be yourself and show confidence. At any conference, whether it be a man or a woman, I'm more likely to start a conversation with someone who is confident.
ReplyDeleteIs it really about clothes, or are you finally at that point in your career where you know you're damn good? /psychology off
Congrats on the MVP.
ReplyDeleteSince I attended the ASP.NET MVC Firestarter via Live meeting, I can say that it doesn't much matter what you were as long as the content is good. But seriously, just be true to yourself and express yourself via you clothes as you like. I can honestly say that no one cares what clothes I wear to events. So, unless you are trying to portray a particular style or personality, I'd say dress as you like and express yourself via your ideas. You can't go wrong with that.
I'm looking forward to your postings of the MVC Firestarter sessions.
Sara -
ReplyDeleteyou should not be worried. Average male geek's attitude about a female geek is nearly 100% independent of what she wears (for a variety of reasons, one of which is that many male geeks DON'T PAY ATTENTION to such details :)
You will be regarded professionally 100% the same no matter what you wear as long as it's not 100% inappropriate (E.g. I tend to frown on ladies wearing maxi-belts or flip-flops in suit/tie required environment, out of innate sense of fairness) - from your description, you didn't violate any dress code so no worries.
As far as approachability, male geeks' ability to approach you, professionally or personally, is 100% based on your gender and not your cloths.
Hope this clarifies more than confuses. Cheers.
I think that a normal-dressed girl will be less approached by nerds since they are a bit scary (I mean... normal girls tend to be more cautious about their looks than male geeks) because they fell she'll judge them as everyone else does =/ and the worst thing is to be bad labeled by some of the opposite sex. It's as if the judgment is a LOT more important, so... avoiding someone that looks normal is avoiding a judgment that will make you fell bad for a long time.
ReplyDeleteThat's why I think you'll be less approached when dressing normally. Sorry if I did not make myself clear but is the kind of subject that makes me fell in awkward way.
I've worked in both environments, super professional (suits), and I've worked in t-shirts and jeans.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, the people aren't much different, but the professionally dressed people tend to feel less approachable.
Most of the comments here are pretty wishy-washy so I'll bite.
ReplyDeleteYour thinking is absolutely correct. When you dress up in nerd gear, men think of you as one of their colleagues (who are all male). When you dress up in your street clothes, men think of you as a potential sexual partner. They aren't thinking of you as a developer because they have so little experience with female developers. My Engineering class (2005) was 91% male and I don't know a single female who actually went on to do actual engineering.
So why the lack of attention in your normal street clothes? It has to do the population. This profession is dominantly male and introverted. And going by experience here, the kinds that are really into their jobs - that go to codecamps - are even more extreme. I know more brilliant coders that are INTJ's than I know of any other MB personality type.
But that's not everyone - not even every INTJ - I'll hit ya up, regardless of what you're wearing, at the next conference I see you at.
Something I've found hard to come to accept is that everywhere you go, there's a uniform. Sometimes, of course, it's obvious. When you see a platoon of soldiers in camouflage, it's obviously a uniform. But more often than not, it's more subtle.
ReplyDeleteWhen you go to a wedding, it's expected that you'll dress similarly to everyone else in the audience. A friend of mine just got married and I had to pin him down on what he meant by formal. Turns out he meant casual to semi-formal (so sayeth his now-wife) which is a completely different thing.
In a less obvious example, when I was in college the first time, one of the fraternities cut anyone who rushed not wearing khakis. Stupid if you asked me, but it obviously meant something to them.
So I've learned to dress as people expect me to, whether I like it or not. At work today, for instance, I'm wearing a t-shirt that says Go away or I'll replace you with a very small shell script. But I wouldn't have worn that were I giving a presentation to management today....
I say whatever, you should dress the way that makes you feel most comfortable. If that's your normal type of outfit and you feel better, wear it. If you feel less out-of-place by dressing down in a T-Shirt, opt for the T.
ReplyDeleteI think there is nothing wrong with going to nerd events. I'm a kind of nerd also, and I think that even calling someone a nerd could be offensive. I mean that: why wear this or those clothes? Just be yourself.
ReplyDeletejust wanted to let you know I enjoy reading your blog and hope you will continue writing them for a long time to come.
ReplyDeleteOh I do hope to visit some day! What a great place to work!
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ReplyDeleteSo, was I treated differently? Well, to be honest I feel like less people came to talk to me. However, that wasn't exactly a scientific study, and I think I will do this a few more times before coming to a conclusion. http://www.mbtusasale.com
ReplyDeleteand I did something a little different than I normally do: I dressed like a girl. Usually I like to up my nerd credibility by wearing a tee shirt and sneakers. However, if you catch me on an average day you'll see me in a stylish (well, at least what I consider stylish) out fit and pumps. Not at all casual. http://www.uggsaleaustralia.com
ReplyDelete